PART5:HOW TO GET MARRIED AT 25; The Incomplete guide!

Part 5: Kwanjula…To Be Or Not to Be?

That is the question!

Is there a word for being perplexed, bewildered, flabbergasted, hypnotised and in limbo all at the same time?

During our kwanjula, I must have been HYPNOWILDERFLABBERLIMBOPLEXED!! No kidding!

(“Kwanjula” is the official Buganda cultural marriage ceremony, where the clan expresses their consent to a marriage.

 It is usually referred to as The Introduction. There’s a couple of other ceremonies; kukyala, kasuze katya.

And other cultures have their own thing… Kuhingira…ku...That’s not the point today though.)

Maybe it was because they asked me for hoes and cows, and yet the closest I’d ever come to owning cattle was a couple of goats. Maybe it’s because someone threw a spanner…no wait…. a grenade in the works, then it became some kind of obstacle to the wedding.

We had everything planned out to the very last detail; dates and all, had contacted every last person who had to be contacted (or so we thought).  We even had the introduction slated for a week to the wedding, and our families were really not on board…yet. According to some people, they hadn’t been informed officially /traditionally. So we stalled! The kwanjula was pushed a few times before it actually happened.

All I know is we survived that damn grenade. Thank God. (Plus, we ate “malakwang” and “nwen”)

God

(See part 4)

This hasn’t changed. Everybody needs Grace and Love to take them through the twists and turns of life. Always tap into the Highest power.

Family

(See part 3.)

Something I didn’t say before. There is always the other way out. Do a civil wedding and skip this entire hullabaloo.

In my opinion, things to do with family and culture a lot of times have to do with honour.

“Respect is earned but honour is given.”

~Google is telling me this quote is by Craig Groeschel,

 but I honestly first heard this from Moses Mukisa

Stuff like unrealistic dowry, a few insensitive relatives (especially if they are your in-laws to be), random family fights and many other ordeals may possibly make you see family in another light; (a dark light). Whatever you do, always remember HONOUR.

If they raised your future spouse, they have earned that honour!

Meanwhile, it doesn’t always work out like that.

Research

(See part 3.)

I’m told that when you want to learn how to fly a plane; first you enroll for a “Bachelor of Business Administration” programme at any university, follow a few Photoshop and Illustrator tutorials on YouTube, paint a yellow donkey on your window and you’re good to go!

Easy as pie, right?

Do the math. Find people that know about your culture if you don’t. If you can, in life, always make informed decisions.

This is something I’ve got to learn myself!

Plan

(See part 4)

(that’s if you’re having one.)

I’ll just leave that there.

What’s it costing you? Blah blah blah…

Be happy

“There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

~Albert Einstein

It’s really your choice. You can go ahead and see the whole process (of anything really) as a fire walk through hell, or as simply your victory lap. Potato vs. Patato!

I realize it’s taken me a while to respond to last week’s comments. Can you imagine!

Anyway, I am so working on that Vlog thing.

Also thank you for taking the time to read through all this. You are the blessing. I am honoured!

See you next time! ...aaaaaand cut!

Source: Stock

HOW TO GET MARRIED AT 25; The Incomplete guide! PART3

Part 3: Make The Announcement

“Communication is the transfer of messages from the communicator to the communicatee”

~My SST teacher…I think.

So you’ve made the big decision, gone through with the proposing, and even set dates for your big day! The one thing you must never over look this whole time is letting people know, and how you let them know about your marriage things.

For me, it was the beginning of all my catastrophes.

I used to be one of those people who like my own space. And the only kind of intrusion of that space I would accept is “no intrusion at all”; what people like to refer to as classic introvert.

I have since learnt that there is no such thing as “introverts” or “sanguines”. That the things we become, are the things we have learnt over time, and can actually unlearn or learn whatever we choose to.

When it came to the part of letting “my people” know about my intentions and plans, I just arrived late to the party. My dislike for talking on phone just had me in a chokehold.

We’re in the social media age, right? Almost everybody I know is on Whatsapp or has the Facebook messenger app on their phones. Boy was I in for a surprise!

There was this one incident where, after sending out a couple of invites out on Facebook and Whatsapp to what were our wedding meetings, I get a call from my mum.

It turns out one of my relatives called her complaining. That you cannot invite people to something as serious as this by text message…it has to be done by word of mouth. Story of my life!

Meanwhile, my fiancée was having a ball!

Long story short, what you have to say, whom you have to say it to, how you’re going to say it to them are very important issues in life. Sometimes that is what growing up is all about; good decision making and effective communication.

You don’t have to tell the whole universe though. These are people you want to tell.

1.     Family

Family here refers to whoever “raised” you. Could be a guardian.

“In marriage it’s not about the individuals. It’s about two families coming together”

That’s a statement which I don’t agree with in many contexts, but in this one, it makes the most perfect sense.

Family (under normal circumstances) is the only group of people that will have your back all the time…in theory at least.

Mum’s always look out for their sons while Dads do their best to scare away those sons that are trying to marry their daughters. That kind of love will not let you get into some unstable marriage (…again…under normal circumstances).

Families have their unique traditions. The fact that you have been born and raised in one, means you’re the perfect candidate to make any communication with them.

Let fiancé break the news to his family, and fiancée to hers, and you will be fine.

After that, the rest is really God’s wisdom when it comes to how and who you tell.

All I can say is, if you can’t propose to her by text message, then don’t tell your parents by text message.

2.     Friends

Friends are also one of those easy to come by support systems when you’re getting married. Apart from fighting to be on your entourage, they have contacts for every service provider you will need. They will organize fundraisers for you. They will actually do lots of the running around for you. Tell them in time, and tell them wisely. You know your friends don’t you?

3.     Work and Workmates

You need to tell the people you work with in time. That girl who has a crush on you needs time to take it in and get over you…hahaha

In the real world though, if you work anywhere, you have deadlines to beat, clients, even hierarchies to honour. You need ample time to juggle between your wedding preparation duties, and work. Whether they give you a leave or not, how you handle such situations comes back to haunt or bless you in the future (after your wedding).

The good book says “Always leave when you’re in the good books.”

The good book here is my note-book!

4.     Church folk

Doesn’t apply to you if you’re doing a civil wedding…or something else.

Three entities you don’t want to mess with when you’re getting married are; your church, your family, and the government. Other than the legal aspect to it, your church community is another group of people whose helping hand you will need. It’s a collection of potential service providers, cousellors, advisors, funders et al.

5.     Other

Other people that you have to talk to in time are your potential “organizing committee”.

And of course service providers. Whatever happens, this group of people will need to know that, it’s your wedding, not theirs!

The relationships we have with people are like bridges. You only burn down the bridge when you are sure you will never want to get across the river ever again. Communication is the way we build bridges, or burn them down.

Alright, alright, alright (insert Matt Mconaughey’s voice).

Source: Stock photo

Home(Lyrics)

5000miles(when I’m home)

 *G (Emi)For 5000 (C)yearsI’ve been living (G)5000 miles from here(D)

 I walk down this street nobody knows me round here 

This looks like just my home but I’m beginning to doubt it’s here 

They look like just my friends but I am the stranger here. 

 5000 years I’ve been gone, 5000 years I’m back

 I don’t have friends anymore, I don’t have family here,

It’s amazing what time can do, it’s amazing how much it hurts

Somebody please take me in ‘cause home is no more here 

(chorus)

I’m coming home,(home)

remember me

I’m coming home,

remember my name

I’m coming home,

don’t turn me away

When I comehome,

I hope I findmy home (yeah) F

5000 years I thought 5000 times of home everyday,

5000 times I prepared myself to come home everyday,

For 5000 times I failed, 5000 times I tried again,

It hurts 5000 times, this is 5000 times the pain

I ran all the way here, I ran 5000 miles to here,

 And there’s no one to embrace me, no one to say hullo to me

And I’m wondering why I bothered, why I tried at all

So I drag myself back many many miles, 5000 times I may never be back

(chorus)

Home...

Bridge

So many(Ami) people are struggling hard to come to the Emi) home of life,

(G)We turn them away ‘cause they’re strangers and (D)they don’t look right,

 ‘cause we think they’re undeserving to be children of light, 

we send them to an eternity of destruction for life P

Yet He said, Let all My children come to me, Come home to Daddy God, 

Come as you are it don’t cost a thing, Come home to Me, 

I will embrace you I will lift up your head, 

I’ll lift you up wont let you fall give you a new name… 

(chorus)

Home …