11/28/2012

A Tale of “Mutual weirdness”


At approximately 12:09pm, on 8th, November, 2012 “specimen-X’s” best-friend’s updates her facebook status with this post: “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” Weirdness ...really?i guess that means I’ve had my couple of bouts of weirdness in this life. For starters, it’s in those native stories that “whites” call fairy-tales, and we (were taught in primary school to) call them “legends”. There are those too weird to be true mutual-weirdness. CINDERELLA So you were dancing with this girl in some night club or at your party(paarrre),and she ran off suddenly at the strike of midnight, and left you with her “glass slipper”.Really?? I dare say that prince in Cinderella did not know what he was doing. He was naïve. 1. For starters, who doesn’t know that one fact, everything looks beautiful in the neon lights. When morning comes, all that is left is a big dose of “what was I thinking”!! 2. She ran off at midnight?...it must have been curfew or something. Seriously (atleast in Uganda), what do you be doing dancing with a highschool child?ity’s illegal. 3. So her shoe slipped off/fell off her feet in her fleeing manouvre? If the girl can successfully lie to herself about her own shoe size, dwanzy,she lied to you about everything…her name,her age, perhaps even her face???haahaha.. 4. So she was running in these glass slippers and they didn’t even get a crack?(who am I even kidding)..they didn’t break? Dear prince,that is what we call plastic shoes. who comes to a ball in “yobos”? Not even windeck!! Cinderella must have been a Ugandan! “Ekyebeyi kya beeyi…house girl tagenda for parres and things like that”! SNOW WHITE So you find a small house in the forest, and get in? That’s what amuses me about bazungu. In horror movies ,they hear something move in the bush, then they slowly(stupidly) walk towards it. They have never learnt, you smell a rat,run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. It’s the only reason why people don’t die badly in Nigerian movies (they just pretend to die even!)! Anyway ,so snow_white wakes up to dwarfs(and still doesn’t run),her ninja stepmother plays on her what would be a muganda co-wife’s “acid attack” on her rival(I suspect she’s only kind because she is not mugandan),and she succumbs to a comma, and her not so medically aware miner friends prepare for her funeral in a glass coffin (what is it with these people and glassware?). Meanwhile ,prince charming is idly riding through the forest(I must mention…this is the most drastic kind of idleness you will ever come across in recorded history). Prince charming, finds a girl, who is so pale,she is as white as white paper can get,lying in a glass coffin,and stoops down from his stead to kiss her?is he mad? Has he watched any vampire movies in his life time… or maybe he had his FirstAid lessons mixed up?who gives people in a coffin a kiss of life..mssswww to that!! THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG Honestly ,how desperate can you get? To anyone who tried kissing a frog(that is if you even know how to tell the difference between toads and frogs), I used to think this story was a con…until Shrek2 came along to clear the air. I discovered that the biological bi-product of a frog and a human is an ogre. Which got me wondering, who really are Shrek’s parents? There is another ogre in the story of “Jack and the Beanstalk” who must have had parents also ,and is Jack Bauer in any way a descendant of this Jack? Thing is there are other princesses who kissed frogs out there and the fairytale writers never told us about it. This story is really just weird, and that’s that!

Love is my verb


02:40(12th-10-2012) Have some puzzling thoughts on my mind. It’s been a great thanksgiving gig with the band ,and MacElvis, and it’s been a fascinating season fro Uganda; the Yoga-yoga, Uganda at 50 jubilee season. And it’s been a life-changing October still(btu that’s not the point here). Sunday,I read an interesting guitar quote which I will try to paraphrase for you: “what is the fastest way,five guitarists can replace a light bulb? One guitarist gets the job done, and the four others say ‘I could do that’!!” If you say you love someone, be sure you mean it in your heart, be sure that you know the meaning of truth,it must be in sync with the beat that drives your very heart beat. All this is nothing though, until you tell it to their faces.Until you show it with the twinkle in your eye,the shimmer in your voice, the very touch of your hands.When you don’t do these things,someone really not worthy will come and do them, and win the treasure of your life away from you. It is in the Jacob wearing goatskins to take a first-born’s blessing. It is in the flowers that flourish in the daylight .The stars that deck the nightsky like glowing gems are millions of times bigger than the stars that are bigger than the sun,but the sun wakes up early in the morning,not to stand aloof at a glorious bedazzling distance,but at a close,tightly knit warm embrace. It is in the cock that crows every early hour of the day.it is not paid. Chickens don’t fly.but it chooses the one thing no one else does when they arise ; to wake up the neighbours. 17:29(30th-10-2012…continued) It is in the ugly,weather beaten,shy,gross look and ego of a marabou stork. Ever wondered why it’s not the elegant eagles and cranes,or colourful parrots that dwell in the city? Marabou storks might be ugly, but they know the taste of take-away that’s gone bad from tuskies,uchumi,nandos,steers, javas…while the worthy looking eagles are hunting raw squirrels in the jungles!

10/06/2012

I Don’t Wanna Be


I don’t wanna be your Legend, Coz legends have to die. I don’t wanna be your leader, Coz leaders will tell lies. I don’t wanna be THE hero, Heroes only fly. I cannot fight for your people coz I have to save mine. ()I don’t wanna be like gravity, That’s so much responsibility, Holding down the whole world ontop of everything that bothers me! (((thoughted: Your asking me to lend a hand I’d give my finger if they weren’t only five)))

8/31/2012

One Afternoon(my short story of my short life!)


Just then,as I am locking down the boot,by the side of the road,cedric dashes into the afternoon traffic.And my heart and everything else suddenly rushes after him. That very instant,a humongous monster is blindly bearing down that very road at the wreckless speed of light,on one end. Cedric is oblivious of the trailer_truck,he is blindly running after something. On the other end I hear sirens screaming.Cars are giving way to an oncoming convoy,and it is not stopping. Thoughts, emotions ,pounding heart-beat, everything inside me is welling up into a defeaning symphony of mayhem. My limbs are numb. But somehow, in a flash I find myself crouching, clutching, wrapping myself around my son...in the middle of the battle...the road. The truck skids side-ways…and its dinosaur tail smashes into dazed onlookers, and a street lamp. The first car in the convoy, inches away from where we are, screeches, and fights to brake…it’s left front tyre smoothly breaks loose, and it somersaults toward us. The head of the truck, now flying above us, is coming down upon us. We are about to be smashed alive!! My mind goes blank. All the havoc has now faded to a dumb blur at the blood cuddling thought of death. And then. Silence. I open my eyes. I am crouching with my son, in the middle of the empty, dimly lit street, outside the supermarket. I glance at my watch…it is 9pm.A huge tailer_truck is parked quietly infront of our car. Across the street, two officers are trying to fix a tyre. Cedric is holding onto something. He is sheepishly smiling at some sort of key ring, key holder in his hands. I notice something on the ground beneath him. A grenade! (fortzionsauthenticity//aug.31.2012//10:59)

8/13/2012

Jazz ,Blues &Control


If you have dreams of playing bass or drums for any jazz band, or some sort of blues connection, there will always be that one rule that controls you; “you have to hold down the groove…you have to have a firm grip on the groove…you hold down the music…You CONTROL the groove!” CONTROL is the thought for today. When most people in the “human species” are born ,they worry about nothing .Everything is under control. Your biggest worry in life is your brother messing with your toy-car, or somebody kidnapping your Barbie-doll for ransom. Everything is UNDER CONTROL! By whom? Who cares, when lunch and breakfast is only a whine away? When most people in the human species start going to school, things start to really reel out of control. Your dad at that point needs to be a superhero.You have to have cool things. If you cant have things,make things. Be an Albert Einstein. Be intelligent enough to invent cars out of wire, and fighter-planes out of paper. Own a collection Marvel comics. Own an X-box or a PS3 if you like…(I clearly have no idea what girls used to collect but..)and yeah, have a collection of Barbie dolls perhaps! Why? Because you have to fit in .Because “some things” are not under control! Who controls them? Your friends, and that’s pretty bad? i guess… Not having everything under control is by far one of the worst experiences experienced by most people in the human species who have experienced the experience of life: A father whose teenage daughter does not listen. That teenage girl whose father is actually very nagging. A house that’s been cut-off from power for defaulting with bills. The pen that stops to work two minutes into your last exam at campus. Finally understanding the instructions on your final exam paper at campus, two minutes to the end of the exam. The laptop that you borrowed, that now has a cracked screen. Your laptop that you lent out for just an hour, and now two weeks have already passed since. Your neighbours that religiously make it a point to spice up all your life with noise . Our innocent church that is being witch-hunted through the the authorities by it’s evil neighbours. Let us pray in tongues! That moment when you stammer, instead of simply smiling and saying “No”. And you end up married to this guy you were actually having second thoughts about. The girl of our dreams finally saying “Yes”… “at some point I actually thought she didn’t really like me that much”! That moment when everybody else knows, and you don’t. Actually, and you have just found out. That moment when it’s only us who know what’s really going on. And the whole world thinks they have known all along! Golola Moses of Uganda embarrassing himself. Golola Moses of Uganda embarrassing himself.Just that! When you don’t know how to turn on an I-pad…face it Ugandans…you don’t! That moment when you thought your bestfriend will always be on your side…sorry! That moment when you don’t want your bestfriend to embarrass himself. “doing this for y/our good” When your ever faithful and humble boyfriend walks away from awesome you ,and you don’t even know why…and you never thought they had it in them. When she thinks/knows/believes/understands/concludes she is the only one for you, or rather you are meant for each other… “I think we are taking this too far, too fast” Walking into this office..jobless..and the little girl you used to despise in school is about to be your new employer.(or finding out that , honestly ,every teacher was taught to use this line on you,just to make you calm down…haaahaa)! When your fly is open, and you are actually making an important presentation.(honestly, doesn’t matter where or for whom…this is by far the worst). Losing the keys to your house. Losing the house to your keys. Giving the beggar a 50,000/= note,and yet you pulled out 1,000/=.Wait till you find out all the joy in “It is more blessed to give than to receive”.Really? The beggar who just got hit by a car for stupendously dancing in the middle of the road…she must have been high on something. Playing off key.Get your scales straight nigga/niggaress...man-up! Singing off key. Not knowing the real meaning of the word “naïve”…sincerely, if you are reading this and you actually don’t, REPENT now! At this point the “groove” is getting out of hand. If you have dreams of playing bass or drums for any jazz band,or some sort of blues connection, “you have to hold down the groove…you have to have a firm grip on the groove…you hold down the music…You CONTROL the groove!” We feel insecure when things are not in our control, or not in the control of a power we have complete trust in. To have one thing, you must let go of the other or be able to accommodate them both comfortably. The secret of control is “LETTING GO”! The secret of holding down a bass groove, is listening.Super human listening. Musical listening. To control, you must “LISTEN”. Whoever knows “why” will always control the guy who knows “how”! To control,you must know “WHY”. Get your facts straight. Setting the record straight once again; To control,you must know why .You cant know why,if you don’t listen .You wont listen if you cant let go. You wont let go if you are actually still in control!!! PROVERBS.16:1_33…commit thy works unto the Lord and thy thoughts will be established… whoso trusteth in the Lord,happy is he…he that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city. Disclaimer:The words of these scriptures do not “belong” to the saved Pentecostal zealot, the catholic priest, or the Anglican bishop…they are designed for application by the whole darn human_race…learn to deal with it! If you have dreams of playing bass or drums for any jazz band,or some sort of blues connection, you have to PRACTICE playing bass or drums for any jazz band,or some sort of blues connection!

4/17/2012

A Stone Heartbeat:(that moment in time)

..ink stains of now blurry whispers& words of love long forsaken.
heart beats lifelessly against stone wall of unforgiveness!

2/08/2012

Soul-nite>Tufani La Baraka

It's that point in time when everything is just whizzing past..everything's just hazy...everything's just clogged...everyone's just too busy!!(ok...not everyone really...mostly just me)..
Anyway, we're just running up and down to make sure that the next edition of soul-night is an experience you will never have the chance to forget!!
There you have it,Soul-night..the Tufani La Baraka,Swahiliated edition is here finally...
March,11th ,2012...the St.Kakumba chapel auditorium is the place to be with all your family from 5:30-9pm...
Still donno why, but Soul-night is still absolawesomely FREE!!
Just know,right now am kinda half-dead what with getting everything together,ready and up and running...till then..Tufani La Baraka to ur soul!!

1/05/2012

TO: MD...Saying Goodbye[tommorow may be so faraway]


...funny how we tell people everyday stuff like "see you tomorrow" without even thinking whether or not tommorow will come..or whether or not we will ever see them again..
Well, the longest "good bye","see you tommorow" of my life was actually recovered 13years later..imagine that...
Well, everyday just reminds me to live with the people i have ,when i have them...and not just to say goodbye...tommorow may just be too faraway!

To MD:
13years later, the LEGO's..toy-cars..tyres..that we played with must have gathered alot of dust and rust,but it's surprising how true love and friendship will never gather dust and rust...
13years later,this has been the best new years season of my life...just because i said "good bye..see you tommorow" 13 years back...
for now..take a bow to true childhood friendship...MD,i treasure your friendship.

See you tommorow!