PART5:HOW TO GET MARRIED AT 25; The Incomplete guide!

Part 5: Kwanjula…To Be Or Not to Be?

That is the question!

Is there a word for being perplexed, bewildered, flabbergasted, hypnotised and in limbo all at the same time?

During our kwanjula, I must have been HYPNOWILDERFLABBERLIMBOPLEXED!! No kidding!

(“Kwanjula” is the official Buganda cultural marriage ceremony, where the clan expresses their consent to a marriage.

 It is usually referred to as The Introduction. There’s a couple of other ceremonies; kukyala, kasuze katya.

And other cultures have their own thing… Kuhingira…ku...That’s not the point today though.)

Maybe it was because they asked me for hoes and cows, and yet the closest I’d ever come to owning cattle was a couple of goats. Maybe it’s because someone threw a spanner…no wait…. a grenade in the works, then it became some kind of obstacle to the wedding.

We had everything planned out to the very last detail; dates and all, had contacted every last person who had to be contacted (or so we thought).  We even had the introduction slated for a week to the wedding, and our families were really not on board…yet. According to some people, they hadn’t been informed officially /traditionally. So we stalled! The kwanjula was pushed a few times before it actually happened.

All I know is we survived that damn grenade. Thank God. (Plus, we ate “malakwang” and “nwen”)

God

(See part 4)

This hasn’t changed. Everybody needs Grace and Love to take them through the twists and turns of life. Always tap into the Highest power.

Family

(See part 3.)

Something I didn’t say before. There is always the other way out. Do a civil wedding and skip this entire hullabaloo.

In my opinion, things to do with family and culture a lot of times have to do with honour.

“Respect is earned but honour is given.”

~Google is telling me this quote is by Craig Groeschel,

 but I honestly first heard this from Moses Mukisa

Stuff like unrealistic dowry, a few insensitive relatives (especially if they are your in-laws to be), random family fights and many other ordeals may possibly make you see family in another light; (a dark light). Whatever you do, always remember HONOUR.

If they raised your future spouse, they have earned that honour!

Meanwhile, it doesn’t always work out like that.

Research

(See part 3.)

I’m told that when you want to learn how to fly a plane; first you enroll for a “Bachelor of Business Administration” programme at any university, follow a few Photoshop and Illustrator tutorials on YouTube, paint a yellow donkey on your window and you’re good to go!

Easy as pie, right?

Do the math. Find people that know about your culture if you don’t. If you can, in life, always make informed decisions.

This is something I’ve got to learn myself!

Plan

(See part 4)

(that’s if you’re having one.)

I’ll just leave that there.

What’s it costing you? Blah blah blah…

Be happy

“There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

~Albert Einstein

It’s really your choice. You can go ahead and see the whole process (of anything really) as a fire walk through hell, or as simply your victory lap. Potato vs. Patato!

I realize it’s taken me a while to respond to last week’s comments. Can you imagine!

Anyway, I am so working on that Vlog thing.

Also thank you for taking the time to read through all this. You are the blessing. I am honoured!

See you next time! ...aaaaaand cut!

Source: Stock

HOW TO GET MARRIED AT 25; The Incomplete guide! PART4

Part 4: Planning

You have not planned anything until you plan a wedding… your own wedding. There’s nothing like it!

(According to me.)

And it has nothing to do with your intended guest list at your reception. Talking about guest lists though, it’s true that when you tell people you’re planning for a hundred and fifty people, they usually hear “a hundred and fifty groups of a hundred people”. And everything else follows suit. The decorator when you agree on drapes hears grapes. The deejay who agreed to your 90s’ Hits list shows up with his when_they_call_me_for_an_abrupt_gig_fix list. Then the car hire people hear “No bows” and show up with a huge bow and arrow. Go ahead… laugh.

Kasita that’s not what happened to us… not exactly.

I stand to be corrected, but planning is not just about the wedding day (church and reception). It’s supposed to cover everything like fundraisers, marriage courses, meeting the parents, ceremonies. It’s something that should kick in the moment you start this journey.

Here’s what we learnt.

God

(See part 2)

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”KJV

~Proverbs.3:5-6

Oh yes I’m into that “God business” quite a lot. I am one of those people who believe that we struggle a lot in life, when we choose to ignore or not engage our spiritual potential. Yes, pray about your planning…yes, pray all the time.

Someone to Keep you Accountable

(See part 2again.)

Remember that couple that are friends of ours? Well, the fact that they had done a wedding of their own before meant that they were such a great help.

(Couple friends of ours, “if you’re reading this, it’s too late!”...hahaha…THANK YOU!)

We learnt a very simple method to help you check if you have forgotten something (and it works for just any event). Go through the whole event step by step in your mind. Leave home…get into the car….go to church…pull out the rings… (you catch the drift, right?)

Know What you want and Know it in Time!

Chances are when you tell anyone that you’re getting married; right away they will already know what they want for your wedding. Yours, not theirs. Everyone, right from service providers, friends and family, and virtually anyone is going to want to front some sort of idea they believe is the best for you. And if you’re not careful, that is the wide road that leads to conflict and stress.

If you can, do your research and work out your issues months before the day. You could find out prices of stuff, look up a few venues, talk to a couple of service providers, and even make bookings way before crunch time!

Always remember it’s always fiancé and fiancée who make the decision on what they want. After all, it’s them who have to live with it the morning after the wedding.

The Committee

(that’s if you’re having one.)

Choose a few competent people, who understand what you want. They shouldn’t bully you, but they should bully everyone else on your behalf. Trust me, you need these people.

Our “competent people” were put together in the final weeks because we didn’t really "hold meetings". 

Other

Just like any event, you must ask yourself how you’re planning to fund a thing like that.

Some people do it with their savings, others do wedding meetings.

 On our part we put together some musicians, a gamers’ hub, foodies, and a make-up artist and did jam sessions where people paid for stuff.

Some friends of ours threw a bash where everything (drinks and food) cost quadruple its price. And I know of another couple that did a yard sale. There’s no end to how creative you can get. Just know that “NO MONEY” cannot be your excuse for anything (in life).

In other news, a friend of mine says because of the pressure, he’s going to do a blog series on “How To Stay Single at 25”. I had a good laugh…seriously!

Someone else asked me to do a Vlog (video blog) of this very series. Would people be interested in something like that? Let’s hear those comments (if you noticed, there’s a comment section just below this post).

Also, to the right of this blog is a small widget that says “Submit”. Type in your email and click submit to get notifications when there’s something happening here.

Ladies and Gentlemen, bye!

Source: Stock photo