In The Beginning was The Drawing

The Dream: Part 1

Gosh! It’s been a year and some more already!?The last I was on these streets I was talking about Getting Married at 25 …I wonder how that panned out for some of you! Hmmm…

What is that you say? How is it working out for me? We’re living happily ever after!

…no further comments for the press!

When I Was 14 Going On 15

I’ve spent a big chunk of my life doodling, and scribbling and making little drawings of random things; shapes, lines, thoughts and anything everywhere.

It goes without saying, all through my school life I had run-ins with my teachers because on top of the class exercise, when I handed in my work, my books came decorated with lots of stuff drawn all over!

One of my random drawings.

Another "one of my random drawings".

I’m one of those kids who discovered really early in life that I love art! The arts actually. For some reason I could relate more with paint and color, than with predetermined formulae. I was more excited about seeing, hearing, feeling, things for the first time, things that could be and had been created than being asked to cram an entire periodic table!

When I was 14 going on 15 I found myself surrounded by kids my age who totally had no idea what they wanted to do with their lives, and not like it bothered them. Crazy me knew what Subject choices I was going to make for my A’levels, had decided what course I’d do at university ,and which university that would be(despite the fact that my parents were trying to talk me out of them). And that’s where the problems begun!

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

There are a few questions in life that have puzzled me. My wife has asked most of them:

•        Where’s the remote?
•         Did you (insert task you said you’d do like 3 weeks ago)?
•         Did you call (insert appointment you had to make like last month)?
•          Did you buy the bread?
•          Who killed Captain Alex? (I haven’t even watched the movie!)

And the big one … “What do you want to do when you grow up?”

Growing up ,when adults would ask me that I would feel a deep frustration inside. No one would give me enough time to think my answer through. It felt like there was a particular/correct answer they wanted to hear. My big brother who I secretly looked up to at the time (Franklin get over yourself) had his correct answer ready whenever people would ask! All my friends had answers. I didn’t quite have a correct answer!

What if all I ever wanted was just to DRAW?

Source: unsplash.com

What If All You Ever Wanted To Do Was Just Draw?

I have a vivid memory from my early teenage years of driving my dad (Bless his soul) up the wall by just mentioning “I’m going to do industrial Art” (okay I’d mentioned it one too many times), while he was trying to convince me that it was too early to determine that. My mum took me on the side, sat me down countless times to tell me “You like words…you could do Law”, or “Have you considered ‘Mass comm’?” years before the decision had to be made. It felt like choosing Art to most people was like resigning from life!

And yet Art gave me the opportunity of self-expression. Art gave me peace of my mind, piece of heart, and I happened to be good at it! It’s the one thing in life where I could rule. Picture this,I stood up in a fellowship of my classmates,  and testified about being the best literature and Art student in the S4 mock exams. And the exams hadn’t happened yet. And I actually aced them! Why would I choose anything else?

The Dream

Recently I discovered that the dream isn’t in the things we do. The things we do/learn/pick up along the way are opportunities of stewardship, that in the end facilitate the dream. Any dream!

If all you feel inspired to do right now is play, play with passion!

Source: unsplash.com

YOUR DREAMS ARE VALID!

The thing is,there’s no two ways about it.

Stories From The Elections

It’s funny how I’m jumping into the #UgBlogWeek action a day to its end. Maybe it has something to do with the theme this time, “Love and Elections”, and how my love life does not quite connect with it.

 Mine was a sole candidature. I presented myself to my wife as the one candidate that has a vision for our future state of affairs. She said yes, and exactly eight months and two weeks later, we are fine. The people are happy! There is no need for any changes in our constitution; we did not institute term limits, we only hold elections when it comes to who is controlling the TV remote and/or who’s turn it is to make breakfast. It works for us (someone should have picked a leaf)!

Anyway, so to show my love for the Elections, I have chosen to share stories I came across during this election week.

You Have Already used 70% of Your Internet Bundle
With love from Airtel Uganda.

On “election day”, I woke up and loaded an internet bundle, and for about 30 minutes the phone just sat there and looked at me (the kind of looking that the Basoga call okumoga). This never happens. Usually it buzzes with joy, telling me all these beautiful things about, who commented on my post on Instagram, about how I have some new “few followers” on twitter, about how so and so has messaged me on messenger. All this so that I can pick it up, swipe my notifications to oblivion/deletion, put it down, and get back to my awesome life. This time though, no such thing happened.  After staring at it in shock, one little notification came in. You guessed right, “You have already used 70% of…blah blah blah”.  Just then, everyone else in the house started complaining about how their Whatsapp messages were not going through. Then I slowly flashed that “I see what you just did there” grin. Our beloved UCC (Uganda Communications Council) wanted us to spend a day off our phones loving on each other in “real life” as opposed to poking each other on Facebook and Whatsapp. Good on you UCC. I should look forward to this day (in five years), right?

HJ's Lumonde Post
I read this funny facebook post on someone’s wall. And I quote:

“As others are passionately campaigning or waiting to vote, others have run off to areas they didn’t register to vote from. Nolaba lumonde! It’s the same damn thing. Same election results will be declared because of these people. I blame these people running away”

~my facebook friend

After reading this, my reaction was “wait, people went to the village??? Oh mheen! There goes my chance of getting a fresh supply of lumonde”. At this point you can’t even text someone to bring you some as they return to “the town”.

Please note. Lumonde is sweet potatoes. The village is that part of Uganda that is not referred to as Kampala (which by the way is not a collection of huts in a clearing in a thick rain-forest). Just saying...

Village bounty!

TV at 1am

So, in a bid to be a responsible Ugandan, on Election night I chose to stay up and “protect our votes”. You know, stay abridge with the numbers.

 Who am I kidding? I stayed up to protect my bet. A friend of mine had assured me about why they were not voting. The reason was, Besigye (the main opposition guy) was going to win and Museveni (the incumbent) would be announced winner. According to this guy, opposition would win for most of the day time, then after midnight the incumbent’s percentage win would just soar!

Boy was I glad (when I turned on the TV at around 1:30am) that that bet did not involve money. It was exactly how my friend had predicted (and as I type this, nothing has changed. Time check 8:57a.m. Date 19^th February in the 30^th year of Museveni). The incumbent has a 60% lead, the opposition following with their 30%, and the rest, with some unfair percentages like 0.38%, 1.2% et al.

I believe in our country’s Electoral Commission (E.C). I just think it’s not fair. You do not announce results in percentages; the actual numbers would sound better. Think about this, 300 votes sounds better than 1% right? Besides, every candidate would then be engrossed in finding that mathematical formula for calculating percentage, and average. By the time they are through, the E.C would have announced the winner, and they wouldn’t be so shocked. I think it hurts to know you’ve lost right from the start!

More TV at 1am
What I didn’t tell you is what I else I watched on TV. There was this annoying interview (more like debate) on NTV Uganda. Joel Besekezi and Flavia Tumusiime(NTV journalists) were interviewing a spokesperson for the NRM(the incumbent’s) party. So they ask him if he was excited that they are winning, to which he answers;

“I’m not excited. I know more than you know.”

Huh?

They ask him why there were lines of soldiers patrolling some polling stations;

“Joel and Flavia, you are younger than me. Maybe you didn’t see those bad days… when you see military, you see safety.”

And then when they asked him why UCC turned off social media in Uganda?

“Surely it’s a thing you can forego for a day or two. We’ve lived without social media for quite some time. Social media is a new thing in this country.”

So I decide to flip through channels. And what do I find? The president addressing the press just after he had cast his vote. They asked him what he would be doing as he awaits the results:

“Sleeping... I have not been sleeping. Then tomorrow I will go for my cross country walk, and look at my cows!”

That’s when I saw the wisdom in going to bed also.

Sue Bryce
This week, a photographer friend of mine shared with me a few videos of famed portrait photographer, Sue Bryce. In the videos she speaks about how “self-hate” affected her work. So this is what I learnt.

When we don’t like someone, usually they are mirroring us. That we see something we don’t like about ourselves in them, so we don’t like them. Weird how that works, right? So I put what I learnt in practice. I asked my wife what she sees in me, that she also sees in the one mutual friend I catch myself complaining about on work related issues. Let’s just say that was one enlightening moment. Next time you find yourself wanting to “hate on” someone for no reason, begin by examining yourself.

The other thing I learnt is, half the time, there is no such thing as real fear! That real fear should happen if you’re in real danger. Say a real lion is hot on your heels kind of danger. That half the time what we call fear is ego and self-hate lying to us. We say “I fear to talk to the boss” , “I fear to start this business” , “I have stage fright” and yet, we’re still standing there, alive, in no imminent danger. According to her, that’s the voice in our head that we’ve listened to since our childhood. It tells us to “shut up and sit down” every time we stand up to do something for ourselves. Don’t listen to that voice.

In my conclusion, there really is no fear.

Thankfulness
Did you notice there was a Valentine's day and two day-offs all in this one week?That’s something to give thanks about.

Also, I’m thankful to God that I am alive in this era. I’m thankful for my country Uganda.

Adios amigos.

PART5:HOW TO GET MARRIED AT 25; The Incomplete guide!

Part 5: Kwanjula…To Be Or Not to Be?

That is the question!

Is there a word for being perplexed, bewildered, flabbergasted, hypnotised and in limbo all at the same time?

During our kwanjula, I must have been HYPNOWILDERFLABBERLIMBOPLEXED!! No kidding!

(“Kwanjula” is the official Buganda cultural marriage ceremony, where the clan expresses their consent to a marriage.

 It is usually referred to as The Introduction. There’s a couple of other ceremonies; kukyala, kasuze katya.

And other cultures have their own thing… Kuhingira…ku...That’s not the point today though.)

Maybe it was because they asked me for hoes and cows, and yet the closest I’d ever come to owning cattle was a couple of goats. Maybe it’s because someone threw a spanner…no wait…. a grenade in the works, then it became some kind of obstacle to the wedding.

We had everything planned out to the very last detail; dates and all, had contacted every last person who had to be contacted (or so we thought).  We even had the introduction slated for a week to the wedding, and our families were really not on board…yet. According to some people, they hadn’t been informed officially /traditionally. So we stalled! The kwanjula was pushed a few times before it actually happened.

All I know is we survived that damn grenade. Thank God. (Plus, we ate “malakwang” and “nwen”)

God

(See part 4)

This hasn’t changed. Everybody needs Grace and Love to take them through the twists and turns of life. Always tap into the Highest power.

Family

(See part 3.)

Something I didn’t say before. There is always the other way out. Do a civil wedding and skip this entire hullabaloo.

In my opinion, things to do with family and culture a lot of times have to do with honour.

“Respect is earned but honour is given.”

~Google is telling me this quote is by Craig Groeschel,

 but I honestly first heard this from Moses Mukisa

Stuff like unrealistic dowry, a few insensitive relatives (especially if they are your in-laws to be), random family fights and many other ordeals may possibly make you see family in another light; (a dark light). Whatever you do, always remember HONOUR.

If they raised your future spouse, they have earned that honour!

Meanwhile, it doesn’t always work out like that.

Research

(See part 3.)

I’m told that when you want to learn how to fly a plane; first you enroll for a “Bachelor of Business Administration” programme at any university, follow a few Photoshop and Illustrator tutorials on YouTube, paint a yellow donkey on your window and you’re good to go!

Easy as pie, right?

Do the math. Find people that know about your culture if you don’t. If you can, in life, always make informed decisions.

This is something I’ve got to learn myself!

Plan

(See part 4)

(that’s if you’re having one.)

I’ll just leave that there.

What’s it costing you? Blah blah blah…

Be happy

“There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

~Albert Einstein

It’s really your choice. You can go ahead and see the whole process (of anything really) as a fire walk through hell, or as simply your victory lap. Potato vs. Patato!

I realize it’s taken me a while to respond to last week’s comments. Can you imagine!

Anyway, I am so working on that Vlog thing.

Also thank you for taking the time to read through all this. You are the blessing. I am honoured!

See you next time! ...aaaaaand cut!

Source: Stock

HOW TO GET MARRIED AT 25; The Incomplete guide! PART4

Part 4: Planning

You have not planned anything until you plan a wedding… your own wedding. There’s nothing like it!

(According to me.)

And it has nothing to do with your intended guest list at your reception. Talking about guest lists though, it’s true that when you tell people you’re planning for a hundred and fifty people, they usually hear “a hundred and fifty groups of a hundred people”. And everything else follows suit. The decorator when you agree on drapes hears grapes. The deejay who agreed to your 90s’ Hits list shows up with his when_they_call_me_for_an_abrupt_gig_fix list. Then the car hire people hear “No bows” and show up with a huge bow and arrow. Go ahead… laugh.

Kasita that’s not what happened to us… not exactly.

I stand to be corrected, but planning is not just about the wedding day (church and reception). It’s supposed to cover everything like fundraisers, marriage courses, meeting the parents, ceremonies. It’s something that should kick in the moment you start this journey.

Here’s what we learnt.

God

(See part 2)

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.”KJV

~Proverbs.3:5-6

Oh yes I’m into that “God business” quite a lot. I am one of those people who believe that we struggle a lot in life, when we choose to ignore or not engage our spiritual potential. Yes, pray about your planning…yes, pray all the time.

Someone to Keep you Accountable

(See part 2again.)

Remember that couple that are friends of ours? Well, the fact that they had done a wedding of their own before meant that they were such a great help.

(Couple friends of ours, “if you’re reading this, it’s too late!”...hahaha…THANK YOU!)

We learnt a very simple method to help you check if you have forgotten something (and it works for just any event). Go through the whole event step by step in your mind. Leave home…get into the car….go to church…pull out the rings… (you catch the drift, right?)

Know What you want and Know it in Time!

Chances are when you tell anyone that you’re getting married; right away they will already know what they want for your wedding. Yours, not theirs. Everyone, right from service providers, friends and family, and virtually anyone is going to want to front some sort of idea they believe is the best for you. And if you’re not careful, that is the wide road that leads to conflict and stress.

If you can, do your research and work out your issues months before the day. You could find out prices of stuff, look up a few venues, talk to a couple of service providers, and even make bookings way before crunch time!

Always remember it’s always fiancé and fiancée who make the decision on what they want. After all, it’s them who have to live with it the morning after the wedding.

The Committee

(that’s if you’re having one.)

Choose a few competent people, who understand what you want. They shouldn’t bully you, but they should bully everyone else on your behalf. Trust me, you need these people.

Our “competent people” were put together in the final weeks because we didn’t really "hold meetings". 

Other

Just like any event, you must ask yourself how you’re planning to fund a thing like that.

Some people do it with their savings, others do wedding meetings.

 On our part we put together some musicians, a gamers’ hub, foodies, and a make-up artist and did jam sessions where people paid for stuff.

Some friends of ours threw a bash where everything (drinks and food) cost quadruple its price. And I know of another couple that did a yard sale. There’s no end to how creative you can get. Just know that “NO MONEY” cannot be your excuse for anything (in life).

In other news, a friend of mine says because of the pressure, he’s going to do a blog series on “How To Stay Single at 25”. I had a good laugh…seriously!

Someone else asked me to do a Vlog (video blog) of this very series. Would people be interested in something like that? Let’s hear those comments (if you noticed, there’s a comment section just below this post).

Also, to the right of this blog is a small widget that says “Submit”. Type in your email and click submit to get notifications when there’s something happening here.

Ladies and Gentlemen, bye!

Source: Stock photo

HOW TO GET MARRIED AT 25; The Incomplete guide! PART3

Part 3: Make The Announcement

“Communication is the transfer of messages from the communicator to the communicatee”

~My SST teacher…I think.

So you’ve made the big decision, gone through with the proposing, and even set dates for your big day! The one thing you must never over look this whole time is letting people know, and how you let them know about your marriage things.

For me, it was the beginning of all my catastrophes.

I used to be one of those people who like my own space. And the only kind of intrusion of that space I would accept is “no intrusion at all”; what people like to refer to as classic introvert.

I have since learnt that there is no such thing as “introverts” or “sanguines”. That the things we become, are the things we have learnt over time, and can actually unlearn or learn whatever we choose to.

When it came to the part of letting “my people” know about my intentions and plans, I just arrived late to the party. My dislike for talking on phone just had me in a chokehold.

We’re in the social media age, right? Almost everybody I know is on Whatsapp or has the Facebook messenger app on their phones. Boy was I in for a surprise!

There was this one incident where, after sending out a couple of invites out on Facebook and Whatsapp to what were our wedding meetings, I get a call from my mum.

It turns out one of my relatives called her complaining. That you cannot invite people to something as serious as this by text message…it has to be done by word of mouth. Story of my life!

Meanwhile, my fiancée was having a ball!

Long story short, what you have to say, whom you have to say it to, how you’re going to say it to them are very important issues in life. Sometimes that is what growing up is all about; good decision making and effective communication.

You don’t have to tell the whole universe though. These are people you want to tell.

1.     Family

Family here refers to whoever “raised” you. Could be a guardian.

“In marriage it’s not about the individuals. It’s about two families coming together”

That’s a statement which I don’t agree with in many contexts, but in this one, it makes the most perfect sense.

Family (under normal circumstances) is the only group of people that will have your back all the time…in theory at least.

Mum’s always look out for their sons while Dads do their best to scare away those sons that are trying to marry their daughters. That kind of love will not let you get into some unstable marriage (…again…under normal circumstances).

Families have their unique traditions. The fact that you have been born and raised in one, means you’re the perfect candidate to make any communication with them.

Let fiancé break the news to his family, and fiancée to hers, and you will be fine.

After that, the rest is really God’s wisdom when it comes to how and who you tell.

All I can say is, if you can’t propose to her by text message, then don’t tell your parents by text message.

2.     Friends

Friends are also one of those easy to come by support systems when you’re getting married. Apart from fighting to be on your entourage, they have contacts for every service provider you will need. They will organize fundraisers for you. They will actually do lots of the running around for you. Tell them in time, and tell them wisely. You know your friends don’t you?

3.     Work and Workmates

You need to tell the people you work with in time. That girl who has a crush on you needs time to take it in and get over you…hahaha

In the real world though, if you work anywhere, you have deadlines to beat, clients, even hierarchies to honour. You need ample time to juggle between your wedding preparation duties, and work. Whether they give you a leave or not, how you handle such situations comes back to haunt or bless you in the future (after your wedding).

The good book says “Always leave when you’re in the good books.”

The good book here is my note-book!

4.     Church folk

Doesn’t apply to you if you’re doing a civil wedding…or something else.

Three entities you don’t want to mess with when you’re getting married are; your church, your family, and the government. Other than the legal aspect to it, your church community is another group of people whose helping hand you will need. It’s a collection of potential service providers, cousellors, advisors, funders et al.

5.     Other

Other people that you have to talk to in time are your potential “organizing committee”.

And of course service providers. Whatever happens, this group of people will need to know that, it’s your wedding, not theirs!

The relationships we have with people are like bridges. You only burn down the bridge when you are sure you will never want to get across the river ever again. Communication is the way we build bridges, or burn them down.

Alright, alright, alright (insert Matt Mconaughey’s voice).

Source: Stock photo

HOW TO GET MARRIED AT 25; The Incomplete guide! Part 2

   Part 2: The Big Decision

There are about four days a girl fantasizes about from the moment she’s born. The day she meets her dream man, the day her dream man proposes, her wedding day….the fourth I can’t remember.

Once while watching a wedding show, I heard a bride say, “You dream about the day he proposes all your life… (You’ve played out the thousand possible ways it could happen and, in your head, it’s perfect every time). And then he pops the question, and it’s like a hot slap right across your face!”

Many of my female friends were really excited when they found out I was getting married. You’d think they were excited for me…. No they were not .Instead they were exhilarated about hearing another ‘’so_how_did_you_propose_to_her’’ story.

There is no foolproof method that has ever been invented for popping the big question.

As I was saying, there is no template method for asking someone to marry you. Just like asking someone out, proposing to someone is pretty much just that. The asking is not the issue. The reasons for asking are what should matter!

Marriage happens to be one of those decisions you make once in your lifetime. And they don’t give you second chances. The only time things change is in the case of death or divorce (but that is a discussion for another day) .

“It must not be undertaken carelessly, lightly or selfishly, but reverently, responsibly and after serious thought.”

How did I propose?

Didn’t think you would want to know.

Well… since your begging…

I got her a pair of shades and slipped the ring on their arms. When she found the ring she did not say “yes”.

She cried, and then said “Yes”.

Whatever your reasons are going to be for deciding to get married(love, money, family, future family name, future children’s looks, green card reasons ),these are few things that will help guide you along that journey;

1.       God

The day you get a whiff of a marriage thought, Pray.

Divine intervention must always be your first intervention.

Everything that happens in my life, God happens to come first.

 I’ll just leave that there.

2.       Someone to keep you accountable

When my wife and I decided to get married, we approached an older couple who were friends of ours. (Hello friends of ours!)

You cannot tow the ship alone. Whether you want to believe it or not, someone has been where you are; and there is a reason why they came out “alive”.

They don’t have to be your relatives, or church elders. What matters is that there is a safe space where you share your lives, and they, theirs.

3.       Research and some form of training

When you want to learn how to play guitar, you read about it, watch YouTube videos, and even subscribe for guitar classes. That’s just the way it goes.

We had to sign up and sit in for three different marriage courses; (though some were extremely boring yet mandatory) in addition to talking to different couples, and looking up wedding concepts on Pinterest ( hehe…)

The decision is yours to make, the information is out there!

4.       Your intended future spouse

Your future fiancé/ fiancée is your only partner in this whole thing. If they decide to marry you, it’s going to be the two of you against the rest of us (the world) and our opinions, attitudes, cynicism!

Personally, I believe if the person you are dating is “your true friend” (and they should be) you will know whether it’s  a YES or NO from a mile away (what do I know though…This is the incomplete guide after all)

It’s one of those things you would sit down and discuss you’d think, right?

Source:Stock photo